Miscarriage & Infant Loss


Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4


Over the past year, we have been asked to pray for many families who have lost their babies.  This week, Wesley said something about there being so many families lately who are going through this tragedy.  I don't know that it's necessarily that many more families than two years ago or more so that we notice it or others make us aware of it because of our experiences.  Below is part of a message that I sent to someone who lost her baby recently.  I have never met her before.  A mutual Facebook friend told me about her family when their tiny baby was born premature and in the NICU.  Anyhow, in my feeble attempt to encourage her that she was not alone, I sent a rambling message.  :)  This is part of the message.  If you have lost your baby, whether it be from a miscarriage, complications from a premature birth, or even later, please know that you are not alone. What you are feeling is completely normal, and with God's help, you can make it through this experience.  If I can be of any help or encouragement, please do not hesitate to ask!


I just wanted you to know that I am praying for you and your family everyday. I know you are hurting-just know that you are not alone. God will never leave or forsake us (Heb. 13:5) and He will never give us more than we can handle (1 Cor. 10:13-14). He knows what is best for us when we do not. We face challenges in our life that we do not understand at the time, but God knows what is best....... When we found out that we would lose our two girls (after previously having a miscarriage and trying for over a year to get pregnant), I could not understand why that was happening to us. .......During the past year, there has not been one day that I have not thought about them. We are immensely blessed with Hannah Kate and thankful for her, but we also have three other babies in Heaven. There are times when I want to spend my day crying and being sad just thinking about that, but I cannot. I have a husband and a sweet baby girl who need me. Our babies are in Heaven. They are in a place far better than here, and they never had to experience growing and living in this sinful world. It is such a comfort for me to know that. I hope that you will find comfort in that knowledge too. When we began this whole journey to parenthood, I had NO idea that it would involve all of this. I mean, really....this doesn't happen to ME-it happens to other people or on television. But it did. It did happen to us and I am thankful for the opportunity that God gave us to build our faith in Him, to strengthen our marriage, and to make me a better person. I would not have chosen this path for myself, but I know that I would not be the person I am today without it.
I hope that makes sense. I hope it helps, and I hope that one day you will be able to say the same thing about yourself and your experience. Losing a baby is unbelievably difficult; I would never wish it on anyone. God has given me many opportunities to encourage others (or at least try!) who have been in our situation-with miscarriage, fertility problems, having a preemie, or losing a baby/babies-all because of our experience. My prayer is that you will find peace with the knowledge that God knows what is best. He provides us with opportunities, and it is up to us to decide if we will use it as an opportunity to grow or not.
Many fervent prayers for you.....if there is anything else I can ever do, I am more than happy to try to help.
Denise



Helpful Links
There are some private groups on Facebook for parents who have lost a baby (I'm in the one for multiples). They are "secret" groups so that no one else can see what we post, but if you would like to be added, please contact me.

Silent Grief - "A Message of Hope for the Grieving Heart" - website and book
The Grieving Mother - one mother's story and helpful links
Center for Loss in Multiple Birth
Loss for Words - cards for people who have lost a baby, have a baby in the NICU, etc.
What to Do When Baby Died - how to help and encourage a friend who has lost a baby
What You Can Do When Someone's Baby Dies
Cora's Story-When a Friend's Baby Dies - free ebook and blog posts about what to do/not to do for your friend
Keeping Up With the Kimmels-a blog of a family who had twins and lost one of their babies-this particular post talks about feelings she has and what might be helpful for others to understand.  (I really love this blog, and Jana's so good to just put her feelings out there!)
Finding Hope in Grief-a guest post by Jana Kimmel on another blog
Molly Bears-Charity that creates stuffed bears custom made for family's who have lost a baby under the age of one year old
Special Delivery Book- I think I may have posted about this before, but this is a charity that sends a board book about different babies to families who have lost babies under one year to use to explain to their other children what happened.  We love it! (Disclaimer, it does allude to the babies becoming angels, which is not supported by Scripture, but I just say they went to Heaven.)
Why Miscarriage Matters When You're Pro-Life-This is SOOOO good.  It reminds me of our friend Kristy saying we are not being consistent if we don't count babies in the belly when we count our church attendance.  :)  There are GREAT thoughts here & I really encourage you to read it & think about how to help when a friend has a miscarriage. (Disclaimer-there is a bare belly pregnancy picture at the top)